(Written for The Round Farmhouse Ministries and published on 14 March 2024)
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
~ 1 John 1:9 NIV
I confess my sins everyday in prayer. In the stillness of early morning I sit in the pre-dawn darkness routinely 𝘤𝑜𝘯𝑓𝘦𝑠𝘴𝑖𝘯𝑔 the sinful state I know as my life. I pray for correction, healing, and forgiveness. But, even throughout all that, I am ashamed to realize I don't always walk in Jesus' steps. Not really.
Recently someone dear to me exposed what I would consider my worst sin, among many. Better stated, I revealed my sinful self; an ugly canker festering for some time. His words of rebuke pierced my heart; the realization of what had come out of my mouth in such a narrow-minded, judgmental way was utterly devastating.
“𝘿𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙟𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚𝙙." ~𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙬 7:1 𝙉𝙄𝙑
At times, we all stumble. Sometimes it's just a small blip, but others will be a crashing thud. The realization of the opinion I expressed was unspeakably troubling and led me, filled with disgust, embarrassment, and anguish to withdraw into myself in deep remorse bordering on self-loathing. Feeling alone, I was at odds with myself for over a week; my head spinning as my inner voice repeatedly chastised me. I immersed myself in prayer.
"But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." ~Matthew 6:6 NIV
A couple of nights later, I picked up a book that had been sitting half finished for many months on my nightstand. A wave of incredible enlightenment washed over me as I read. In his book Blind Spots, Collin Hansen wrote, "Tolerance sounds like a good idea until you have the power to enforce your morality. The heart is never so deceptively cruel as when convinced of its purity." He goes on to talk about Paul, who we know was a little judgmental. But, he was chosen by God to serve Him and that alone shows us as Mr. Hansen states, "Jesus Christ alone is the source of perfect patience and compassion." Grace will be extended to all of us who recognize and confess our sin.
Over the next few days, with deep repentance and conviction to change, I prayed fervently. Slowly my anxiety began to wane, my heart lightened, and I once again began to like myself. I could feel the Spirit filling my heart in a new way.
"He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins." ~Ephesians 1:7 NIV“
We will all commit sins that feel ugly and repugnant. But, every one of us will also be forgiven those sins by a great and powerful God. When we keep our hearts focused on Him first, we can be assured that His grace and mercy will pour over us so we can continue to soldier on serving Him.
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Got feedback? Want to talk about it? I'd love to hear your comments, thoughts, and ideas about this or any other of my blogs. You can contact me at LetsPawsToPray@gmail.com.
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